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21 Nov 2005

He doesnt understand
My boyfriend had a terrible fight last night where we ended screaming at each other and I told him that maybe we should just break it off for good. We've been together for 6 months and in this time I havent seen him on the weekend because he always has something to do or his working. He told me that he couldnt take me with him because its cultural and I wont understand. I even went to the point to tell him that he has another girlfriend. This is the problem - he goes away every weekend with family, they dont know I exist and that I'm having his baby. He phones me when his gone and then he says that he'll see me on the Sunday afternoon always at 14h00. 14h00 comes and I phone him and he tells me that he couldnt leave the place and that I wont see him. This hurts my feelings because he makes promises and he never keeps it. Yesterday I called him at 8pm and he said that he was coming over to my house, at 10pm when I phoned he said that he lied and he wanted to teach me a lesson. We continued fighting and eventually he came to my house at 11pm and the fight continued to the point that I told him that I wished I never met him, I wished that I never invited him to my house and that I wished that this child never belonged to him. When he left he kissed me goodbye and apologised for hurting me. I now feel bad about what I said, but is it demanding of me by just asking him to not create expectations. I'm the only person with a boyfriend that doesnt see him over weekends and spend time with - the weird part is that he stays 12km from me. What do I do, throw in the towel or continue this relationship.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Something's wrong here, surely. For him to spend no time with you --- though you are having his baby --- and hi9s family doesn't even know you exist, suggests serious relationship problems, and perhaps cultural differences which he is failing to deal with. Unquestionably he is seriously neglecting you, and isn't giving you good reasons to expect him to provide for your baby, emotionally or financially. What on earth does he expect to do with the baby is born ? Make sure you get good legal advice, perhaps from the family / maintennance court itself, and ensure that he pays proper maintenance for the care of the child.
Like Trouble, I find it hard not to think that he is hiding something, such as another fiance or wife, or something similar. You ask should you continue with the relationship --- what relationship ?
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