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13 Dec 2012

Heart broken
I''m so heart broken and don''t know what to do anymore. My partner and I have been dating for just over three years and everytime we have a fight he tends to blow things out of proportion, he says he doesn''t know how to make me happy. He beleives I want to be married because all our friends are either engaged or married, he doesn''t understand that as a women I want these things too. He always tells me he wants to marry me but then something comes up. He said a part of him is scared it won''t work out based on other couples that have problems. Just because we fight he thinks its not normal. He said he feels we have nothing in common and we not compatible. I feel there are lots of people like that but when you love someone aren''t you supposed to work on your differences? He''s always so negative about situations and says he has learnt to expect the worse. I sugeested we get couples counselling so that an expert can analyze our situation and help but he doesn''t want to. There''s nothing I want more then to be with him but he doesn''t want to try because he''s scared and this is really hirting me. How can I make this work?
Answer 336 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Apparently he really doesnt understand you yourself, depending rather on theories he holds. To fight occasionally is normal enough, but it depends on how often, and how seriously. If he really feels you have nothing in common and are incompatible - why has he chosen to remain with you for 3 years ? And if he doesn't want to join you in couples counselling, he doesnt even want to try to solve the problems he thinks exist.
It does sound as though he has problems, within himself, and you have no reason for feeling hurt because he has them and doesnt want to fix them.
It hardly matters whether he's right or not about you two being incompatible - if that's how he feels, then you are incompatible. You cant make things compatible all on your own.
Everything you describe suggests that he doesn't want to be with you in the longer term, and this isn't your fault. Why do you feel so insistently that you must remain with him ? See a counsellor for yourself, to become able to move on and find someone who actually loves you
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