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Question

16 Feb 2004

HELP
my first sexual experience was terrible and after that i found freedom and enjoyment in sex but the problem was i almost all the time i was intimate was on some sort of substance drugs
alcohol some sort of substance now that i am in recovery
*recovering addict* i find it difficult to just let go when i have sex with my loving bf which i love and adore and i dont understand why i get so tense about the thought of having sex
its also hard for me to just let go and enjoy myself.

can you please give me some advise?
we do communicate about this me and my bf and his very understanding.....
Answer 291 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear DJ,
Firstly, congratulations on having had the good sense to get into rehab and cut out the substance abuse. Sex may be the most noticable example for you of what many recovering addicts find about important parts of their life --- after they've grown so used to doing such things only while sozzled with their choice of substances, it feels strange to be doing them while sober. After a nasty first sexual experience, you probably learned to tense up and fel anxious at the prospect of sex, then discovered that with the chemicals dominating the situation, you were forced to be more calm and relaxed, but not naturally so, only when coerced by the chemicals. Now you're finding it initially hard to relax and enjoy yourself while stone cold clean. It would be best to see a counsellor, even for a short time, to work on these issues, so you can get into the treat of really enjoying sex with the person you love, while actually sober and thus fully there and fully aware. It could be a better experience than you've had yet.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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