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11 Jul 2005
Help me please.
I'm 33 yrs old and married to the most incredible man in the universe and I love him more than life. My problem is that my whole life evolves around him. I cannot be happy & content if I'm not with him and I have a overwhelming intense fear for his safety - that something might happen to him. I phone him in the mornings to hear if he's arrived safe at work and in the afternoons so that I know how long he must take to get home, before I get worried. If he does not answer his phone I immediately go into a state of panic, because I fear something might have happened to hime. I cannot imagine a life without this man. I can't bare the thought of being without him for even just a moment. The worst is when he goes overseas for business trips. This absolute devestates me - totally!! I cry uncontrolable, I get depressed and I fear being alone and away from him so,so bad. I lose all interest in life and anything around me. I don't want to do this to this wonderful man, but I can't control it, it just consumes me. What is wrong with me? I know I must suffering from some psychological disorder or something! Do I have separation anxiety?, or what is going on? I'm also an only child and grew up extremely lonely. Could this have anything to do with it? I desperately need help.
Sounds like the sort of relationship that can feel strangling to the person who gets loved in this way, and which goes beyond love and approaches obsession. You need to see a counsellor, to discover how to free yourself from this extreme dependency on the poor guy, to be able to let him lead a normal life which includes loving you, but more besides. being too clinging can in fact seriously damage a relationship, over time. If you can with the aid of a counsellor, become more independent and self-confident, the quality of your relationship with this guy will improve, not diminish. This is more than, but similar to, separation anxiety, and perhaps related in part to your childhood. But right now, it sounds too much like the relationship between and adict and her drug, complete with withdrawal symptoms.
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