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22 Jan 2013

HELP STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
Okay so I do not know what to do. My partner and I been together for 19 years and he has been a Dad to my son since 2 years old. HIs biological father was there when he was born, then saw him at 7years old and not again. Since now, my son has gone overseas for a holiday and has met up with his real father. He is so happy and exicted and I am for him too. But the problem comes with my partner is really not taking this well and is taking it personally. I try to explain to him that it would eventually happen and wouldn''t he like to know his father if it was him, but he says NO he wouldnt. I try to ask him not to take it personally but he is and he will. I do understand how he must be feeling but it was inevitable and it doesnt mean he doesnt love us anymore! I also say how do you think he might have felt all this time (we have another son together) try and imagine at least your son has had you his whole life. He is walking around sulking and it is effecting our relationship and I do not know what to do. When our son comes back I want to be happy and excited for him and with him but am now too scared as it will hurt my partners feelings???
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its natural that your son would be curious about meeting his bio-dad, but he's maybe overlooking how irresponsibly this guy ignored him for so many years, and failed to provide him with support and caring and fatheriong for so many years when he really needed it. Its far easier to be dad-like when it becomes easier, and its a cool teenager to have a bit of fun with.
Overseas holidays are really expensive, so I'm guessing that the lad hasn't spent long with his biodad, and that they won't have long together. Emphasize to your son that while his curiosity is very understandable, he should understand that his REAL father is the man who raised him and who is feeling understandably hurt and excluded from this episode. Ask the boy to communicate affectionately with his real dad, your husband, and to be ready to make it up to him when he returns
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