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19 Apr 2006

Hi CS:)
HowD Doc, How's things hanging with you?What you been up too/
I'm crazy busy. Strange thing happens when I am busy like this. well, 2 things happen actually.
Firstly, my comm trippled all of a sudden (amazing what work can do for ya)
Secondly, I am not half as depressed as I usually am. Most probably cuz I have zero time to think about crap or to feel sory for myself. And when its preasure & preasure, the adrenalin flows heavy and although busy, i have more energy at night to do many other things I don't have energy for when I am not so busy. One would think it should be the other way around. But positive stress is really what makes me function.

on a personal note its also going great. Things are back to normal with the kids back to school. Its chaos in the mornings, and more chaos in the evenings. Ive now just excepted that this is my life. kids screaming, fighting & looking for this & that. I stressed myself sick to always have it "organized" took me 11 years to realize its just never going to be. Ive got 3 kids, its supposed to be chaotic. so i stopped trying. its less stressful to just accept this fact. If you cant beat them, join them?

Between me & my husband things are fine...I think. I have a concern that we never argue. never, never. I wish to God that we can just argue like normal people. But somehow we just always "suck" each other's shit up, and then we have world war 3 now and again in the house. That is why we are in therapy, but we still keep quiet. We havent had a fight in almost 6 weeks. And it feels to me like I am now waiting for the explosion.....

And I am wondering about one thing. This w/end, my husband told me he must work maybe on sunday. I asked why? he said maybe the owner will phone him if its busy. . I dont like it.....Its my day. I only get 1 a week?

I asked him if he doesnt think that he should talk to me first before making a decision like that, instead of just comming home and TELLING me how its going to be. I must just take it, it must just be ok?
He sees it as asking permision, and I dont. I see it as considering me as well. This was just one example. how can we discuss things, without making him feel like he needs my permission. And he has a chip on his shoulder about this. If it just a little bit feels to him like he needs my "permission", he makes decisions by himself. And then i will feel like "Do I even exist? Do I have a place in this household as well?"

Its strange how these small things become issues......
But it makes life interesting.

I hope you are OK.
Have a nice day
Answer 409 views

01 Jan 0001

Hello Delene,
How's WHAT hanging with me ? There are several alternatives ! :}
Interesting observation about how being busy and productive helps improve your mood. I think many people do indeed have the problem that they don't have enough to do, allowing them far too much time to think about how they're feeling --- its like buying a thermometer and taking your temperature every few minutes.
And you've achieved another great point of wisdom in recognizing that with 3 kids ( heck, you don't even need 3 kids for this effect ) things will get chaotic at times. beating them isn't a good idea, and joining hem ? Maybe not the running round screaming and fighting, there's enough of that already. But yes, let it flow over you. Don't try and blame yourself for not organizing the unorganizable. That's like blaming yourself for not having brought peace to the Middle East.
Hope the therapy will prove useful. Maybe you should suggest for discussion this worry about the lack of healthy arguments, and fear of a blow-out. I think couples ought to be taught the art of productive arguments. And that could help with the "permission" thing, too, to clarify what you actually expect of each otherin this regard.
And yes, imagine how boring life would be without issues !

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