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01 Aug 2007

in february my sister died syddenly.. my mother lived in a granny flat on their property and was reliant on my sister for everything. she then went to live with my sister in zimbabwe. in the mean time i have been diagnosed with terminal cancer and have not told my mother yet. I dont know how to. everytime i speak to my mum on the phone she cries and tells me how much she loves me etc etc, i just dont have the heart to tell her that i am dying. she will be in johannesburg at the end of August and i am flying up there to see her, as soon as she sees me she will know that something is wrong, i have lost all my hair and eyebrows, my eyes are sunken in and have dark rings around them, i have lost a lot of weight and am pale. My mother has heart trouble and i dont know how to break it to her gently. I have spoken to hospice and cansa but they recon i should just tell her the truth. i cant.

I have made peace with the fact that i am going to die, its a natural thing and we are all going to do it sooner or later,
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01 Jan 0001

It sounds as though your mom may well suspect something of what is happening, and feels bad at being distant and not able to help you. Maybe your sister has, either deliberately or accidentally, somehow hinted at what the situation is.
Ask the hospice, and cansa, to provide a counsellor both to help you decide how to talk to her about this ( I always prefer us to see it as "talking about" rather than "telling" ) and perhaps even to join you in that first encounter with her, to discuss it.
There is no alternative to telling her the truth --- she will know when she sees you, or if you evade letting her see you, and eventually the fact will be impossible to hide. And then she received BOTh the bad news, AND a message that somehow she wasdn't trusted to handle the bad news, And that she was not allowed, after the first shock of the news, to help in anyway to comfort you, or to talk with you as she doubtless would want to do. Recognize your mother's rights too, and that she too may be able, espeially with your help, to come to terms with this, as you have done.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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