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10 Jan 2005

How do I...
Dear Doc,

I would like to know how do one go about fixing someone's broken heart... a heart that you broke... mending it, and picking up the pieces... and if it's even possible to do so.

You see, I've been divorced for 19 months and I want to know how can I get my ex back. We got divorced, because he felt we "faught" to much and in the last 19 months he has wanted to come back three or four times, but each time he changes his mind again, because I think the fighting has caused so much pain. We have both changed in this time we've been appart, and I would like to know how can I go about helping him to mend his broken heart and maybe our relationship. We have a daughter and I know it hurst him alot being apart from her. We where married two months short of 8 years... and we've known one another for about 12. Love can't possibly just die over night?

Someone once told me that Dr. Phill recons a first marriage has 75% chance of surviving, a second round about 15% and a third as little as 7%... and if there's a chance of patching up the first you should rather do so... What is your opinion on this?

But I would like to know how to and where to start...

Thank you.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

CF, I think Tamara's answer is excellent. Maybe it'd be wise to see a counsellor yourself, and work on sorting out your own problems, before then exploring whether it would be worth even considering trying to renew the broken relationship ( and it probably won't be worth trying ). Don't go through life looking backwards and trying to recapture the past, rather than looking forwards and building a fresh future.
I wouldn't place any reliance on the statistics Dr Phil quotes, as I suspect these get invented rather than based on any good research.
If you both actually want to get back together, see a counsellor for relationship counselling FI$RST, and see whether this is at all a realistic idea.
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