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17 Jul 2008

How do I cope with this?

My farther (68) was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3 weeks ago. He never smoked/drank - he is the healthiest man I knew...

There is nothing they can do for him, they said he shouldn' t even consider radiation or chemo. He was a huge (not fat), strong man, now he is a skeleton covered in skin... he experiences alot of pain, but tries not to worry us. They gave him another year, but he is deteriorating every day!! I don' t think he will last another month if I look at him now.

I don' t know how to deal with this.... I have phoned hospice and they are wonderful, but my father (actually my STEPMOTHER) refuses that hospice come and visit him at home, and I know it could only be beneficial to both of them! She stubbornly persists that all my father needs is her... she alienated us from him for the past 13 years... she' s ok now, we see him every day - which is wonderful. I am very grateful for the time we have to say goodbye.

I can' t bear to see him like this!!!!! And I know it is humiliating for him to be seen in such a emaciated, weak state... he is such a proud man. And I realise that things will get worse, but HOW DO I COPE and HOW DO I SAY GOODBYE????
Answer 344 views

01 Jan 0001

Make sure that he receives proper and competent palliative care, preferably from the nearest hospice, though the Cancer Association can also sometimes help. Pain could be controlled. The hospice should also have a social worker and other grief counsellors who can help work with you and the family. Cant the stepmother be persuaded that hospice will not have any intention of pushing her aside, but by assessing him and ensurin that they can work with her to relieve his pain, they could ensure that his last days with her and with his children, could be as peaceful and comforting as possible. Surely she doesn't want him to be in unrelieved pain ?
There are no simple answers, believe me, to questions about coping and saying goodbye --- that's where the social worker / counsellors can help
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