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03 Apr 2006

How does a psychologist work?
Hi CS - hope you are well?
I posted the other day that I received an e-mail from my Mother asking why I'm doing this to her & don't I want a relationship with her anymore etc. I replied & told her that I would like us to see a psychologist together to which I got this response this morning:-

"I have thought about this long and hard. Whilst it goes totally against my grain I will agree to your demand to meet with your Psychologist for the sake of the relationship we once had."

I have an appointment with a lady on Wednesday & I think I'm going to go see her first & then make another appointment for us to go together. Or do you think it's best to just go together first time? I'm petrified that my Mother will be able to manipulate the psychologist & I'll once again be left feeling worthless & that it's all my fault. She'll end up doing all the talking & have an excuse for everything as usual. Will the psychologist see through all the 'bull crap'? Would she state the hard truths? Or just listen? I want someone that can advise in the situation as an outsider & not just sit & listen to us arguing.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Sad,
I'm getting by, thanks ; like most of us, some days beter than others. Well, though your mom insists on seeing you reasonable request, as a "Demand", mabe this is a sign that she really does want to continue having contact with you, and is prepared to give this a try. I'm sure you're right to see the psychologist on your own first, and discuss the plan for a joint session or sessions with your mom, and prepare the ground for this, rather than barging straight into it with a shrink you you don't yet know, and who doesn't yet know you. I wouldn't start with the joint session. Prepare the ground so that she won't find it easy to manipulate the psychologist.
Maybe a nice, calm message to your mom, thanking her for agreeing to your REQUEST, and explaining that it wll take a little while to set up, and that you'll be back in contact with her to arrange the details, soon.
A good psychologist, especially if primed with an understanding ot the existing situation, should be able to see through any BS she might throw out, and after lostening, and asking relevant questions, ought to be able to avoid fritless arguments and focus on important truths about your relationship with your mom, without simply observing unhelpfully
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