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30 Jul 2008

Hurting for my first love
Hi there, i' m a 22 year old girl who broke up with my boyfriend(25) of 6 years at the begining of this year. We split up as he was going through a funny stage in his life and i could not handle anymore of it, basically he quit his job and just sat at home drinking and smoking his life away, then when i broke up with him he sorted himself out. he keeps fighting to get me back, the last two weeks have been quite though. My friend saw him yesterday and told me he' s extremely bitter and he doesnt know what to do with his life and that i wasted so much of his life when he could' ve been having a party. this has hurt me extremely. I want him to get over me. I still love him very much and he keeps ruining any chance of a relationship i have, coz i keep thinking bout him, he' s on my mind constantly and my heart is breaking to see him hurting.
Should i feel guilty for taking control of my life but hurting him in the process? should i still be with him? maybe he' s suppose to be the one i marry? how do i know? what should i do to make him hurt less? Am i ready to move on or am i just kidding myself?
i dont know what to do, i feel like running away from it all....i' m cold to others, this whole thing was to find myself but i dont think i' m liking who i am...
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sad that he's bitter about YOU having |wasted" some of his life, and doesn't see the time he chose to spend drinking and doing nothing, as wasted --- or that he feels that not having had a party for those yers, was a waste. Sounds awfully immature. Of course you shouldn't feel guilty --- HE took the main decisions that wasted a part of his life, and spending too long growling abou that will only waste more of it. I see no reason to suppose that he was somehow ordained to be the one you married, and several good reasons to think otherwise. He should see a shrink in his own right, to sort out the messes he has made and prepare himself to move on ; you should maybe see a shrink or counsellor to deal with your own concerns, and also to move on, and in a different direction to his.
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