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Question

10 Nov 2006

Husband
Hi all

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. (Married for 3)
We have always had a rocky relationship that just got worse once we married. He has a problem with alcohol. He may not drink every day, but when he does, his whole personality changes and ge gets aggresive and says hurtful things. He also wrote off his new car under the influence this year, and goes gambling until the early hours of the morning. I have just had enough of this. None of our friends (and even my family ) want to visit us anymore, because of his behaviour when he is drunk. 3 weeks ago I thought "enough is enough" and I packed my bags and left him. After 3 days I went home to fetch more clothes and found him in bed with another woman! I am very hurt and do not know whether I EVER can forgive this! People say you should work on your marriage no matter what , but I just cannot see myself getting over this! I am currently speaking to a lawyer regarding divorce but just cannot stop thinking that 10 years of my life has been wasted on this relationship. How can I possibly move on???
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

He is an alcoholic and probl;em drinker, and also seems to have a significant gambling problem. And on top of allt hat for him to have been unfaithful so soon, says nothing whatever good about him. Do speak to a good lawyer. From the sound of it, you tried hard, and it is HIM who has wasted much of these 10 years. Then see a good counsellor to help you move on.
Don't let the sense of waste persuade you to hang on with a drunken bum who can't be bothered to try hard enough. Marriage can be like financial investment. Guys who are clever with money ( as I am not !) tell me that the big problem which leads people to lose loads of money in investments ISN'T that stocks and shares go up and down in value; it's that people far too often, when it becomes clear that one of their shares was a bad buy, and is going down in value for good reasons, and isn't likely to increase in value again, are so reluctant to sell it after having made some losses, because they don't want to admit that they made a bad judgement --- so they hang onto it and lose all of their money instead of some of their money. Its important to quit when one is slightly behind, before one is totally behind, so that one stil has enough emotional capital to invest again, more carefully and as a wiser person.
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