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05 Apr 2006

Husband does not kiss or hug
My husband does not hug or kiss me (only our 3 year old son). He has shuvved me away twice when I tried to hug him in front of family and friends, so now I give him a hug or kiss on his cheek once a week - he does not kiss me back and sometimes hug me back softly. We have sex about once every week - I would like more. He is always at home with us and we sleep together in the same bed every night, we do everything together, has the same interests. We have been married for 4 years, known each other for 5 years. We did have problems with our son who always slept with us, but our son has been sleeping in his own bed for a month now. My husband watches porn and the models channel on DSTV. We are both in our 30ties. I need love, intimacy, sex! And it is making me depressed. We do not go dancing anymore, because the last time he did not want to dance with me, but when other women asked him he danced with them - so I went home that night without telling him and he is still upset about that and he said we will not go dancing anymore. His mom and I do not get along, so he visit her alone without me for a week or 2 every year. His mom does not have any morals or mine is to high and she complains that I and our child am too noisy when she and her husband wants to sleep in the afternoon and at night and she thinks we do it on purpose. So this is also very upsetting to my husband and he told me it breaks his heart. He believes she is right and I am wrong. About the morals - I did not tell him about that, because I do not want to say anything bad about his mom to him. His mom is still very young and has remarried and is in a very bad relationship. She has a very difficult husband. What can I do to bring my husband closer to me and make him more loving towards me?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello MG,
if this is a recent change in his behaviour, one would wonder why, and wonder what has changed. If this is how he has been right through the marriage, then it's the old issue of undemonstrative men upsetting women who reasonably want more show of affection than the guy is capable of. Surely marriage counselling is what is needed here ? Maybe he'll agree if he sees it as the most efficient way of atending to the problems he experiences regarding you --- but any good counsellor will ensure that the focus is even-handed.
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