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Question
16 Jan 2004
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Husband slept with prostitute
I recently found out that my husband slept with a prostitute. He told me about this because she was blackmailing him for money and he had no other choice that to tell me befor SHE did.
I was devastated an very confused, but immediately went for tests for HIV and STD's which luckily all turned out negative (except for the HIV which I will only know for SURE in 3 months time). Because I was confused and hurt I needed time alone and asked him to give me some thinking space for a while. He left the house.
He was gone for 3 weeks but then came back, apologised and begged me to give our mariage another chance.
I allowed him to move back in. I gathered all my strength and forgave him for everything (though it still hurts like hell).
Our lifes were back to 'normal' BUT...
A woman keeps on calling him. I asked him about this and he said it's a friend of his parents and that he know that she likes him but that he doesnt encourage her to phone him and that there is nothing between them. He met her when he visited his parents while we were seperated. He promised that he would tell her to stop calling him.
This morning however I found 2 love letters from her to him in his briefcase, thanking him for caring and being so nice to her and telling him how much she loves him.....
Now, I am totally confused again and all the doubts and hurt are back.
Please help me... I dont know how to respond to this ?
I was devastated an very confused, but immediately went for tests for HIV and STD's which luckily all turned out negative (except for the HIV which I will only know for SURE in 3 months time). Because I was confused and hurt I needed time alone and asked him to give me some thinking space for a while. He left the house.
He was gone for 3 weeks but then came back, apologised and begged me to give our mariage another chance.
I allowed him to move back in. I gathered all my strength and forgave him for everything (though it still hurts like hell).
Our lifes were back to 'normal' BUT...
A woman keeps on calling him. I asked him about this and he said it's a friend of his parents and that he know that she likes him but that he doesnt encourage her to phone him and that there is nothing between them. He met her when he visited his parents while we were seperated. He promised that he would tell her to stop calling him.
This morning however I found 2 love letters from her to him in his briefcase, thanking him for caring and being so nice to her and telling him how much she loves him.....
Now, I am totally confused again and all the doubts and hurt are back.
Please help me... I dont know how to respond to this ?
CyberShrink
Conf, I disagree with Spooky on this one, unusually, because I think his response concentrates too much on what you ought to do "if you love him" and seems to ignore what he would have done, and what he still would do, if he loved you. Which is actually the point in question. This oher woman isn't an innocent dogooder --- I really doubt she's from the Salvation Army--- and the moment she even suggested she "loved" him, he should have told you about the problem and run a mile from her, after telling her to never contact him again.
If you want the mariage to be able to continue, and if he does, marriage counselling might manage to salvage things if he's prepared to start being honest and mend his ways ; otherwise think seriously about alternatives. So far he's showing a stubborn inability to learn from his mistakes.
If you want the mariage to be able to continue, and if he does, marriage counselling might manage to salvage things if he's prepared to start being honest and mend his ways ; otherwise think seriously about alternatives. So far he's showing a stubborn inability to learn from his mistakes.
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