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22 Jan 2004

I am going to kill my brother-this is my confession.
Its just getting too much,
I am 22 & I live with my mother, 2 older brothers & grandmother. One of my brothers is a schitzophrenic. My grandmother is at home with him all day, the rest of us work. I work shifts-sometimes having to get up at 4am to get to work by 5am. My brother is not taking his meds properly & he is missing his injections-always with excuses like someone tried to steal his mental health card or someone was fought with him so he decided to come home instead. He only sleeps during the day so he is awake all night-walking up & down, the TV & radio blaring, Making coffee ect. I cannot sleep for my shifts. My mother stay on the other side of the house & takes tranquilizers so she doen't hear him, my grandmother stays in a granny flat so she doesn't hear him & my other brother has practically moved in with his girlfriend because he can't stand it.
He swears at us, threatens us, shouts at us & pushes us around & hits us. He writes things in a little book-really messed up sayings like "Play with fire & you will get burned" he changes it to "My family plays with fire & they will get burned & they deserve to get burned because they are not enlightened" ect. When my mom gets home he tells her this & she just agrees-instead of telling him he is not speaking any sense. She agrees "to calm him down & keep the peace" But by doing that she is letting him stay "sick"! I keep telling her when he speaks nonsense she must correct him-when he treats us badly she must tell him his behaviour is unacceptable (He even swears at my 85 year old grandmother-I'm sure she hasn't been talked to like that in her entire lifetime & she should'nt be talked to in that manner now!) Whatever he does-if he keeps me awake all night, if he steals my money, if he swears at me, if he takes my INTEC study books & scribbles all over it my mother comes up with the excuse "He has a mental illness-its all the illness talking, you have a job just make more money or buy new books' & her favourite "I work too, I don't have time to take him to get committed or re-evaluated-why don't you do it" I HATE him I HATE him so much. He molested me when I was 9 & I never told my mother. Now when I get dressed up to go out & he whistles at me, or if I am tanning he leers at me, sometimes he tries to brush up against me when we walk past each other in the passage & I cannot describe the revulsion or the intense hatred I feel. But do I tell my m,other he molested me? If I do will she blame it on his illness & tell me it was years ago & I must just get over it? If she does I swear to God I will slap her. You get born with a mental illness but I am damn sure your experiences can make you crazy too & being around this is really making me crazy. I am frustrated, depressed, angry, short tempered-I can't believe my mother is making the WHOLE family suffer like this. We shouldn't have to live this way! I know hate is a strong word but I am seriously starting to hate my mother for putting us through this. I am to the point where I am angry enough to quit my job go home & actually kill my brother as brutally as possible, then call the police & say "I just killed my brother-mental illness runs in my family & I think I just snapped." Maybe then I can go for a little holiday in the looney bin, come home & act like an ass just the way he did & get away with it. I am tried of the pain, I am tired of crying, I am tired of being angry, I am tired of living with abuse evey single day of my life & I will not be a victim anymore! It will only take 1 more thing to make me snap...
Answer 392 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Abused,
Undoubedly, you are describing a terrible situation you are having to put up with, enormously distressing and frustrating. I'm sure you realize, especially when feeling less awfully angry, that while it is indeed important that you should find a way to free yourself from experiencing this area of life as living as a victim, that taking steps towards harming your brother would not only be wrong, but would increase your amount of suffering, as well. However angry thios situation makes you, do NOT act in any way so as to harm your brother --- that will be seriously harmful to yourself and your gran as well.
A major part of your problem is that too many other people are not meeting their responsibilities. Your gran sounds like she's doing the best she can, but your mom seems to be avoiding the real issues, with as much Denial of the reality of the situation as she can manage.
But the people who sound as if they're most thoroughly failing in their duty, are the doctors and nurses at the clinic or hospital where your brother is under treatment. They are supposed to be supervising his treatment, and making absolutely sure that he receives his injections and takes his medication, and to be repeatedly assessing his state of mind, as they surely know that he can be very disordered in his thoughts and irresponsible in his actions. They should not let someone like this slip between the cracks without noticing that he is not getting them medicines he should ; and they should have access to community nurses who can and ought to do home-visits to see why he isn't coming in, and to be sure what's happening.
You really need to get into contact with the doctor in charge of his case, and maybe the head nurse at the clinic or ward where he is being treated, and make it entirely clear that he is not getting his bedication, is being dangerously threatening and indicating possible arson, rape and assault towards you and other members of your family, and needs to be sectioned and re-admitted to the hospital, and that you will make sure that that doctor and nurse and their colleagues will be held directly responsible for any further damage he causes due to their lack of proper levels of care.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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