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15 Jan 2004

I am tired
I the narccisitic, controling, manipulative emotional abandoner of my wife during her baby blues, the causer of her affair three years ago, which I only found out about three months ago. The man who on several occassions in that period three years ago called her names like a psycho, crazy and unfit mother, hereby declare that I will move out as she requests because she cannot stand the torment I am causing her and our son. I have obtained an appointment with a shrink, tomorrow who I hope will lead me on the road to self discovery as I do not see the person my wife sees, or says she is afraid of. With the new shrink, who will not know me from a bar of soap I will attempt to determine who I am, without giving them an inclication of what my homelife is about. Only when that person has made a diagnosis and completed treatment so that I can say with confidence that what I have become is a normal good person, capable of uncontrolling love, but love that does not make me lose myself, will I attempt to engage in dialogue with my wife, which at the moment turns crazy the moment our eyes meet - in an instant.

I am on tranquilisers for the last three days, which have helped me remain calmish and not to depressed and we will see what the shrink says.

I just wish the next two weeks were behind me.

Please comment on what I say make sense, when one has come to this point of the road. I don't want to do combined councelling until have a greater assurance of who I actually am, rather than just my wife's opinion and that of her shrinks and friends through her mouth.

Answer 400 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear rat,
Congratulations on making a very sensible decsion, to seek expert help for yourself, to better understand yourself and the efect you have on others, and, having sorted yourself out, to explore the practicality of healing the relationship with your wife. Actually, it is rare for any of us to find anyone who experiences us in the way we experience ourselves --- fortunately the differences between the effect we think we're producing and the effect we're actually having, and between the way we see ourselves and how others see us, are usually not large enough to cause problems, but it's not very uncommon for exactly that to happen. Good luck in your work with your new psychiatrist, and in working out your own problems and needs, and then being able to help with your wife's, if that's what then seems best.
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