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26 Nov 2005

I have no solution.... except this
There is no cure for my problem so I have decided to commit suicide. I have read on the internet that people with my condition have pretty useless lives and battle constantly to find happiness.
I wanted to commit suicide ages ago and now I'm not gona be a coward and be confused. It's my new -|- ing goal right now. I feel for the people on these boards but at the same time I want to -|- them up because they don't have a problem. Most of the problems on this board seem to revolve around relationships and I just have to laugh or -|- ing cry. With my condition it is impossible to have a relationship. I got treated like shit by a psychologist even that I told everything to so I guess I am just a -|- ing joke. I mean, just think about it you pay the psychologist serious -|- ing money and you pour your soul out to the person and I got rejected as if I'm so -|- ing sick and awful that I was refused treatment. I was awesome for that therapist I did all my homework which was actually nothing and I gave in extra notes and cooperated and tried my hardest was nice and everything. I must be a -|- ing lousy person, what is it?? My best guess is that I didn't entertain the therapist with an elaborate mind bending tale of child abuse or whatever therapists would be entertained by these days. I have no friends, they have all left while I treated them like gold and they all left me. I haven't got a girlfriend because I honestly can't have one, I have nothing to give. I have lost everything, don't have a job, I would hate to have a job anyway I can't act happy around people any more. You know what, I don't have to! I will from now on be the real me and stop trying because it doesn't do anything for anyone anyway. That's a lot of -|- ing anys!! I also notice on these boards when somebody has a real problem they aren't listened to but when it's my boyfrined -|- ing is being funny evrybody is supposed to fall over and does.To all the people that have a job that they hate and do it five days a wekk, why do you bother!? How can you be that stupid??
As for the last psychologist that laughed in my face I will follow the therapist home and put a gun to the therapist's head and then enter the therapist's home and beat the person senseless. Then I'm going to shoot the -|- er. I feel my back against the wall, I am so utterly commited to this and I feel I will do others a favour. I can't wait for tht satisfaction to see that person in fear and pain. Eye for an eye, let me help your GOD out for ya. Live like a -|- er, die like a mother -|- er. Obviously I don't want to go to jail so what I'll do after leaving a mutilated body I'm just gonna shoot myself in the head and then its done. So easy. I've never wanted to kill someone before but now the reasoning is all empowering!
Oh what to do to a therapist who treats you badly when you are suicidal, I mean come on did the therapist want me to suffer or what. I just want to turn the tables.
All the therapist said was: "Oh, that'll definitely make the cover of the papers." I guess that's what therapist is hoping for, no apologies. I'm not gonna hang around, and for everybody else if you're thinking of suicide do it. The best thing about this place is that you know that you're leaving someday!!!!!! You know the answer to your problem!! I've known this all along but was too confused to see it. I know my answe is right.
Cybershrink you are wasting you're time, maybe you've learnt a great deal about drugs but geez people are so unmotivated they need others to tell them the answer they already know. CBT my ass. You can only build up confidence by doing things yourself and slowly believing in yourself that way, not listen to someone else ramble on what is the only solution. Find your own -|- ing beliefs. pretty sad when people have to pay a fortune for someone else's ideas. -|- psychologists! I've been to about four and they are -|- ing useless. Only you know the answer. Do what you feel is right for you. Period.
Answer 453 views

01 Jan 0001

Hello Matthew,
If you'll actually check the archives of the forum thoroughl;y, you'll find there were numerous people who had similar feelings, but who did indeed find other ways, happier, healthier and more satisfying.
I fully agree with Don't Do IT. I can't imagien what condition you think you are suffering from, as there is NO condition known to science or medicine which would impose on you the sort of inevitable fate you seem to be assuming.
There is absolutely nothing whatever cowardly about making the sensible decision NOT to commit suicide --- there is FAR more bravery in deciding to get competent help, persevere, and work to solve your problems. Suicide merely brings appalling grief to anyone who cares about you.
There is NO condition in which it is imposible to have relationships --- some may make it a bit more difficult, but that's different. And if you had an unfortunate experience with a psychologist, well, don't just give up and let him get away with makign a mess out of the way he treated you --- persist, find a better shrink, get better, and then visit the psychologist who messed up, to show him how well you could have done much earlier, if he'd have done his job properly. If he rejected you, or treated you problems as a joke, then he was a truly lousy psychologist. That's no reason for you to punish yourself.
Don't act out violently towards the shrink either --- that will only lower yourself below his level, and will give people who have been unreasonably scornful of you, good reason to scorn you. That you've found FOUR lousy shrinks is an awful thought --- but it doesn't mean that the entire species is at fault or as useless for you as the ones you saw.
So, you apparently met a lousy or careless shrink --- that's bad and hurtful. But nop reason for you to ruin your life, and to prevent him from learning how to treat people better.
I understand how very angry and disheartened you are, but you are not being as logical as you seem to think. You make a scornful comment about CBT, yet when done properly, it does exactly what you describe as what you wanted --- and never involves you sitting round listening to the shrink warbling on. And again, it sounds as if they did indeed function poorly, as they should not be providing you with their ideals, and beliefs, but helping you to clarify and make good use of your own.
None of us can convince you to do anything you don't want to do. But I do hope that you will cool down a bit and decide to spite these 4 lousy shrinks, by persisting in getting your own life together, according to your own ideals, with better help than they were apparently able to provide, and proving tem wrong. If they didn't think much of you, then suicide, let alone with a preceeding act of violence, will only seem to prove them right --- and you won't be around to represent your own point of view.
Stay around, and do contribute more of your thoughtful eloquence to our discussion of various reasons. Yes indeed, some of the problems presented here are indeed petty --- but they're the biggest problem those people have yet had to face. Stay round to remind them of the things that really matter, and to get their own alarm into perspective. I look forward to hearing more from you next week, and beyond.

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