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27 Jul 2005

I lied for so long...
I am a mother of a beautiful 6 month old baby. My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years, married for 3 and have never had a perfect relationship but have alwasy sorted out our differences and it made our relationship stronger.

I cheated on him (a guy kissed me) before we were married when we were together for 3 years. I told him the truth about it and it almost ended our relationship. We worked through it and 2 years after that we were married. I desperately wanted children and although he did too, he kept putting me off for years giving various reasons that did not seem valid.

My life felt empty, I started getting depressed and I started resenting him for denying me the pleasure and joy of a child. It started affecting our sex life as it felt like sex had no purpose.

I went off the pill without him knowing and planned to fall pregnant. Two months went by and I fell pregnant. He was surprised I fell pregant on the pill and had questions about how it happend and I had my answers ready. The pregnancy progressed and he got used to the idea. When our baby was born, it was the happiest day of our lives and he was so proud to have a son. He loves his son very much now and it has brought the family closer.

Yesterday I admited to him that I fell pregnant on purpose and at first he didn't believe me and thought I was joking. I insisted that I did and he eventually realised I was serious. He now feels our son's life is based on a lie, but I see my son's existance based on the fact that his mother wanted him so desperatly that she would risk everything in her life to have him.

I know what I did was wrong and that is why I can clean with my husband. How do we get past this deceitful act? Can we still save our marriage? I suggested we go for marriage councelling, but he has no responded to my suggestion. We have overcome so many obstacles in the past before and I hope we can overcome this.

Please help...
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Deception almos always comes out and causes more grief than honesty at the time. You did deceive your husband, unfairly, to get what you wanted when you wanted it, ignoring his concerns. He grew to love the child, and that's good for everyone. I wonder why you suddenly decided to tell him about your deception ? Your son was created in a situation that was mighty like a lie, but of course that's not the boy's fault. Marriage counselling is, surely, the right way to go ; but I expect that right now he feels stunned and cheated and shocked at what you admitted doing, and he may need some time and encouragement before he will seriously consider the marriage counselling you both need,
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