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23 Feb 2004

i made it through the weekend!
hi everyone

i just want to thx all who gave such good advice on friday and just give you a update on what happened the weekend

i had to drop the kids of on saterday at a mall, when we saw each other we both had tears in our eyes - i walked a way in a state and cried like a baby. i have him a letter i wrote on friday - asking forgiveness for all the pain and hurt i've caused and wishing him happiness and all that is good - i told him i'll always love him but realize the it could never work ...

after buying her ring they went to kardies and he got me a card, before reading my letter ... they went home and prepared for the party - it was a really big thing - they rented a hall and band and all the trimings - when i picked up the kids they told me all thes and once again i was in tears -- why didn't her ever do those things for me? didn't he love me? i hardly slept on saterday night .
sunday morning we met in public, the kids spend the day with him again , and we talked for 10 min, we was really sorry that i was in a state and felt guitly to being happy ... i explained that i;m not sad because i can't have him back, i always wanted more than what he could give - making him feel like a failure all the time - i'm sad because i only grasped that truth to late - we both had low self esteems and after a while there was no trust and respect and we ended up hurting each other - maybe if i new this years ago we could have gone for help ... he agreed with me,he told me he is happy and i honestly can say i'm happy for him...

they drove of and i cried the entire day ....
when i collect the kids i decide to do the "right thing " and meet her ... they were all shocked when i got out the car! the lady come out and looked so scared... i congratulated her and thxed her for making my ex happy because he had a tough time the last 3 years and deserves to be happy - i said if he is happy my kids are happy and then i'm happy... she didn't say much but was shocked , i could help but feel sorry for her !
i thanked her for letting the kids spend the day and we greeted her and said good bye , my ex wlked me to the car and told me there is a card for me -

when i got home and read the card it was the same message as the letter i wrote on friday - that he will always love me and what we had will always be special , we have a bond that will last forever since it surived so much ..

i was so greatfull and at peace - it was a real break thru - the fighting is over and we do still love each other yet we know it won't work ...

he called me later on and thanked me for meeting his new lady and saying those things, it ment a lot to them - have have me gignity back and self respect

i' feel like a lost 50 kg - i feel like i've lost a battle but won a war!!

i still doubt if they would be happy in the long run - 2 broken hearts can not make a whole one but for now i wish them the best - they need each other and at the moment is meeting each others needs - i hope it will last

thx for all the advice and support i got form you guys and girls - at last i've had my break thru and i could never have done it with out all of you

take care

nina
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear lady nina,
Good to hear from you again. And congratulations on managing with such dignity and maturity to be the Bigger Person ( without gaining weight !) and handling the situation so impeccably well. That takes guts and wisdom, and this makes it clear you have plenty of both !
I understand that you might feel some concerns about the ultimate outcome of their relationship --- but you recognize too, I'm sure, that this is entirely up to them, and I think you fel that concern out of kindliness, not out of remaining jealousy or reluctance to accept the situation as it is. Remembr, now it's up to THEM to make sense out of it ( on their side ) not you.
Now to start writing the next chapter, with a new cast of characters, apart from you.
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