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09 Feb 2004

I need help..
Doc and anyone that can assist:

I have been married for 10 yrs we are both 33 with two beautiful kids.

My husband has always been the jealous and self centred type which I have managed to cope and live with. Last year we had a big argument which resulted him leaving however he returned the very next day cloths and all. We agreed to a fresh start and be more matured about dealing with our problems as it does and will affect the children. I guess it only applied to me.

We have seen marriage counsellor 5 years ago where by a lot of changes had to be made which did happen but he just reverted back to the lazy, self centred person he is. Do not misunderstand me he is a good father and is full time employed but things around the house never get done which at the end of the day costs us double the amount – mind you anything I ask of him is an effort… but wow let me not do what is asked of me….then there is hell.

He is always eager to help others and I feel and have always felt I am second in his life. He has lied and hurt to me MANY of times in the past but the fool I am, I have always forgiven him.

None the less, this may seem silly but its true……. Friend (male and female) at work sms cute friendship things to me which I show him and sometimes forward them on to him. Last year and current I have been accused of having affairs with those sending me sms’s and heaven knows with who else – so I told all at work to reframe from sending me sms’s – which they did. For me its silly, BUT I am always under suspicion by him. And I certainly don’t need this kind of immaturity and nonsense in my life. He on the other hand may make jokes and have his social friends – that’s not fair.

This is what really crowned the cake……. Last night I was playing around with his phone …… I came across an sms (honestly its very cute) the sms read I need a hug, cute little picture etc ….. (I know its silly to react to it) when I asked him who sent it he could not answer me…. I realised it was one of the women working with him, so childishly I did what he always did to me and gave him what he gave me. I know its childish and silly but I just can’t explain the hurt and anger I am feeling now and last night.. Just to play it along I told him I am going to let her husband know what she is up to – wow did he get all protective about it – How dare he accuse me of something I have never ever ever done but he may still have both sides of the world. I have always had my suspicions about him but obviously I can’t say anything. I wish he would stand up for me like he did for her last night.

We have problems just like anyone else BUT our problems just seems to get worse and worse, since he has been working for this company 2 ½ years he has become more frustrated, moody, selfish, finding fault, wanting everything his eyes see and when he gets what he wants he does not look after it etc, just like a spoilt brat.

I earn 2500 more than he does – when we are in financial problemo’s I get us out of it – I never have any cash on me he controls the money – who does he spend it on? – her. The company I work for is a blessing – we are like a big family (I do not have a family besides him and by children).

My worry is the children – what divorce will do to them – do I stay with this abuse!!!!

He appears to be very very worried about the whole thing – and I don’t understand worried about what! If it’s innocent what’s there to be worried about!

Maybe I am just flaming angry and just can’t see it right – I don’t know. Please help.
Answer 443 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Si,
Wouldn't it be a good idea, as it partly worked last time ( but didn't continue for long enough ) to re-enter marriage counselling ? Maybe he's worried because someting else is going on, maybe he's worried because you have caught him out in his unreasonable double standards.
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