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25 Jul 2005

I need opinions, please
Dear CS
My boyfriend and I have been together for around 20 months. Over the weekend we had a great time, he came over to my house and we had dinner etc, and around 12 he couldn't keep his eyes open and went home. (he lives in the town next to us, about 20km) He then sms'd me to tell me he is in his bed, and that I must sleep tight. I woke up the next morning, only to find another sms that he sent at 03h30 - apparently him and his housemate went to buy cigarettes just after he sms'd me, and then went out for a drink. A drink? How do you have only one drink from 00h00 - 03h30? They went to a pub and accendently bumped into a group of peope that work with me. Everyone obviously wanted to know where I am - he then made it very clear that I have no idea that he's out and that he'll probably be "in real trouble" (making me sound like some sort of witch..although I'll have all the right in the world to be angry). I feel horrible, betrayed. Sure, he told me that he was out - but I can't help wondering if it could be only because he bumped into all those people that I know. What if he didn't see them - would he have told me? He says it was innocent, just "one beer" and that he didn't do anything wrong.... But should I just accept that? He leaves my house, hardly awake, only to then go out without me, first lie to me that he's in his bed half asleep, and then I must just accept everything?
I feel betrayed, I feel really sad just thinking about it. I'm not sure how to react. Someone, please - any opinions / advice would be great.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Is there any really good reason to strongly expect that there was anything sinister at play here ? Other than a tired guy, persuaded by another pal to go out for a drink, and bumping into a bunch of people you knew ? Having left you, expecting you to be going to sleep, would you have preferred that he call back and wake you, and drag yopu along ? Has nobody else here felt drowsy and "can't keep my eyes open", only to be alert and hard to get to sleep later, especially after rousing yourself to drive home ?
On the scale of human betrayals, this doesn't sound like a big one. Wouldn't it be better to mend fences, and to re-check that you both have the same understanding of what you expect of each other ? As Deubel suggests, chat lightly with the folks from your work, t get clarity on what actually DID happen.
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