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03 Dec 2012

I think I''ve had enough
My husband went away for the week and returned yesterday. My cousins and I bonded over the weekend and I got home very late. My 1 cousin slept over at my place and she slept in our bed. I did not think anything of it as we were chatting and she fell asleep. My husband interrogated my kids without my knowledge and as a result he is furious because:
1) I did not tell him that she is sleeping over
2) Because I went to my cousin’ s house without his knowledge
3) That I was driving around with the kids late at night.
I’ m fed up with this man. He treats me like a child and anything I want to do must 1st get his stamp of approval.
I have 2 kids (8 & 18) and after my husband shouted at me for letting my cousin sleep in our bed, my son came to me and said he is sorry.
What example am I setting for my daughter, am I telling her indirectly that’ s how some men treat their partners?

I feel depressed today and don''t feel like going home.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I'm sceptical about the fashionable excuse of "bonding" for just choosing to have fun together. Sounds more like partying. But anyhow, call a spade a spade.
But what actually happened sounds innocent enough ; except - who was looking after the kids if you, their mother, in the absence of the father, chose to go out partying until very late at night ?
Its not great for your husband to have interrogated the kids without your knowing, but had he had previous experiences of you getting up to social things when he is away and leaving the kids alone, and not telling him ? The 18-year-old may be OK, but not a child of 8.
If he's being possesive and controlling, that's not a good thing. If he has any good reason to worry that you may have acted irresponsibly ( driving round with the kids late at night just to suit your social plans. for instance ) then it might be much more reasonable.
For him to treat you as a child woulld not be good ; for you to behave childishly, wouldn't be good either. Its not unreasonable for him to want to have been told you were planning to go out, either leaving the kids alone, or dragging them, out late. Were you or whoever else was driving, drinking, too ?
They're his kids as well as yours.
If you feel that what you did was entirely reasonable, why didn't you tell him in the first place ? That removes the sting from the situation, and looks as though nothing went wrong. Its not necessarily about asking for approval, as for providing information which a reasonable person would want to know about
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