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22 Jul 2005

I'm dying to be happy again!
I am 27 and my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years now. He is a very understanding, loving and caring man who I love dearly. When we met I was easy going and always positive on life in general. The last year and a half has been exceptionally difficult for both of us, mainly because of a cancer scare I had. (I did have cancer when I was 5-so it was there was a real possibility it had re occured) Thank God, after months of examinations and preparing for a major operation that never ended up taking place, the doctors ruled out cancer. Having to go through all of this brought back horrilbe memories of when I was younger, and my fears turned into major anger. During the months which were leading up to the 'operation' I became very aggresive and quite abusive towards my boyfriend and myself. One night I even broke a lamp and cut my arm-I dont even remember much of it coz I was so mad. After we were told the operation didnt have to take place, we were extremely relieved and my boyfriend and I were positive that this would be the end of my depressive and abusive behaviour and a new beginning for us both. For a few weeks I was really happy and felt renewed. For the last 2 months, the same feelings are coming back and I am very depressed. I seem to pick fights with my boyfriend, feel insecure, ugly, angry and cry alot for no reason. These emotions get worse if I have alcohol. My boyfriend is clearly sick of seeing me like this and says he just cant deal with it anymore...which makes me more insecure and terrified that he will leave me and it will be my fault entirely! I also find it very difficult to make any decisions, I even need my boyfriend to go shopping with me to tell me what looks good on me coz I really cant tell myself. My mother and younger sister both suffer from major depression and I have seen similar behaviour from them in the past, but really didnt think it would effect me if I hadnt shown signs earlier. My boyfriend and I have often discussed them and agree how hard it must of been for my dad to live with someone who feels that way all the time - and now I am doing it to him! I feel so afraid and scared that I am not going to overcome this and lose the person I love the most. I am dying to be happy and see the beauty in life again - please tell where I should go from here. I'm sure I need to speak to someone on a regular basis...can you recomend someone in Cape Town please. Thank you for your time - I look forward to hearing from you. Regards Jean
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello jean,
Clearly, surely, counselling is what you need right now. Sounds like there were numerous unresolved issues surrounding your childhood experience of cancer, which still need to be cleared up, including this huge sense of anger against a world so unfair that cancer could have happened to a child like you.
I'm not able, for several excellent reasons, to recommend specific therapists or shrinks, but there are plenty in Cape Town. Maybe your GP can recommend someone or several where he has seen good results ?

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