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25 Nov 2005

I'm scared of the future
We've been married for a year already having known each other for almost 3 years. We love each other dearly but there is just one snag. His mom is very demanding, she instructs us to do things and not ask us. My husband is the only son with two sibblings who are both girls. His father passed away a while back and he is now regarded as the " head" of the family. His mother is old and lives in a village ( rural area). When his mother dies he will be xpected to take care of the family house and keep things going.It has been hinted that if she passes away,my husband and I will now be the household owners. Both sisters are married and my husband prides himself about where he comes from. We live in the suburbs , a thousand kilometres away from his parents but it's always been his dream to go back to his village permanently. I cannot imagine myself living there for good. I'd die , I would be fustrated, I dont belong in the village, I'm a working , independent woman who is very ambituous. To me there's more to life that living in a village, carrying waterbuckets in my head, tending to the cattle and sheep, wearing long dresses and headscarfs even if it's 35 degrees celcuis Moreover his village is very traditional, very backward, the woman is still regarded as inferior and is often abused ( not phsysically but emotionally) My parents used their hard earneed money to educate me and I have no intentions of being looked down upon because I'm a woman. I respect my tradition but dont always agree with some of its aspects. I would not ask for a better husband, my husband is all I need in a man but I know that problems will surface as soon as he has to take ownership of the family when his mother dies. Selling the house is out of question . Who would buy a house in a village ? And in our tradition a house is more than just four walls, it's a home and is regarded as a sacred place .
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I understand the dilmma you describe, Pinkies, and obviously you two will have to work out a solution that suits you both,m if this is possible --- this is where a amrriage counsellor can be valuable, as a neutral person helping you both to work on the problem as productively as possible. I think the problem you describe is far too often ignored. Whatever advances have been made in the freedom and opportunities for women in the cities, little if any of this seems to trickle back to rural villages, and I agree that it would be awful if you were to have to turn your back on all the education and advantages your parents worked so hard to get for you, and tried to take on the role of an ordinary village woman.
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