Ask an expert

20 Jul 2005

im working towards a better me
I (27) dont know how to describe this but it has to do with relations to others. in the past i used compromise myself too much, but with time i learnt to react to situations as they happen or if im unsure - i give myself time to think about the matter and then confront the person to inform them that im offended by what they said.

sometimes, if im very angry, i take a deep breath(to relax) and then write a polite letter to the person, stating my dissatisfaction. and if situations allow we can also discuss verbally.

for example A : 2 years ago i belonged to a discussion group at tertiary institution. the group leader(in his late 50's)was a caring person, friendly and in fact to me he was like a father. we are inthe same church. sometimes he would drop me off after these discussion. when i fell pregnant (out of wedlock), i did not know how to tell him then i stopped attending his group but proceeded to join group B.

i continued greeting him but we did not talk anymore, cos when i saw him i felt sad and wanted to cry. after my baby was born i continued with the discussion but with group B. up to today we just greet each other.

sometimes, i ask myself questiions about what he thinks of my behavior? maybe he thinks i was disrespectful by not reporting anything. i wanted to write a letter and apologize but i think it too late now? please advice.

example B: 10 minutes ago, a co-worker mocked me. he said that said that people fear God, but Im worse. meaning that i fear God very much. i laughed, but when i came to my desk, it finally sinks in. i was offended but did not react because he did not mention my religious organisation by name. anyway, he came to apologize after 5 minutes and i said its fine.

the thing is im shorttempered and by reacting immediately i might say nasty things/comments. rather, its better to calm down then speak later.

thanks for reading and i welcome all suggestions

Answer 411 views

01 Jan 0001

Well, anonia, the strat of your message seems to represent some wise decisions on your part.
Regarding the discussion group leader, I suspect that he doesn't feel particularly hurt by what happened ( I'm assuming he wasn't the father of your child ) --- and apologising to him after all this time might remind him of some temporary hurt, rather than necessarily helping. In the second example, it's good that the guy realized he had been possibly hurtful, and came PROMPTLY to apologise to you, and that you accepted his apology.
Keep working on the resolutions you defined at the start of your message, and you will indeed be becoming a better person.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
32% - 9472 votes
68% - 20299 votes