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23 Jul 2008

In - laws!
Hi There

My fiance and I are living with my inlaws at the moment. We have bought land which we are going to build on (as soon as the interest rate eases up so we have extra dosh to do it!)

In the meantime we are in a flat on their property because we dont have enough money to rent a place that costs more than R1500! His dad is an alcoholic - everyone admits it is private but in front of other people and to his face they pretend there is no problem. He can hold a job and doesnt drink on the job so he is a functioning alcoholic, but the minute he gets home he must have a whole bottle of something or other and as soon as he starts drinking he becomes argumentative and shouts and swears and bangs things. On the weekends it is much worse - if he runs out of alcohol then he tells other family members to get more for him - (even if it is 3am) and if we refuse we are shouted at and told we must move out!

The whole family gets into screaming matches as this is the only way they feel they can be heard - I came from a family where the only time you were allowed to scream was if your life was in danger - when we had problems we sat down and talked about it and it never got out of hand

It makes me very very uncomfortable - everytime they shout I start to panic - but if I say anything my fiances father turns on me, then my fiance shouts at him - its a vicious circle!

I am embarressed to have friends or my family around because of this!

We are getting married next year and if we have not been able to build and move out by the time our first baby comes along I really dont want my child to be subjected to this!

What can we do??
Answer 390 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I understand that you find this a distressing situation, but it's not within my field of expertise to suggest solutions. What could the pair of you do to improve your chances of being able to afford to stay somewhere else ?
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