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01 Dec 2005

In love should one
In love CS, should one give completely of themselves? Surrender heart and soul. Truly give your hert away and allow it to be swept up in the romance and passion? Is this ideal? Is this stupid idealism? Obviously the risk is a horribly shattered heart if all goes awry. However, is this not part of th point of really loving passionately? Or should one hold back for as long as possible, hold perhaps a part of his/her heart forever even? Thus ensuring that if things go horribly wrong there is something left and the damage is controlled? If this is best then how does one go about lerning to do so? To change one's nature?

Is it a sign of strenth if one surrenders heart and soul only to have it rejected time and time again but ech and every time heart and soul are surrenderd despite all the pain that has been suffered? Or is this plain stupid? Behaviour that needs to be adjusted?

I just don't know anymore.

How does one learn to spot true love or if it's just the idea of being in love?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Gosh, what a vast question, W ! That's truly a 10 pm question ! I think that one can exaggerate the "throw caution to the winds, leave myself totally vulnerable" approach to love. As you say, it leaves you open to being terribly hurt. I think a sounder policy is one of progressively approach that degree of trust and openness with the other person, based on how well they handled the last step towards that goal. This way, you don't open the door to your heart before you've discovered reliably whether the other person is a burglar !
And I don't see it as a sign strength to make oneself repeatedly vulnerable and then get hurt in the same way, repeatedly. Surely strength lies in handling the first event bravely, and LEARNING FROM IT< so as not to repeat the situation so readily ?
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