Ask an expert
Question

18 Feb 2004

In love with someone far away
I am at a bit of a crossroad, and would like some other opinions. I stay in Cape Town, and I have been involved with this guy for almost 4 years. We went through some very difficult times in the four years, and broke up a few times, but always got back together. At the moment tings are going very well and we are very happy.
But I have this email friend that I met on the internet a few years ago, he lives in another country. We chatted a lot for about a year and then lost contact somehow for almost two years. Since the start of the year we managed to get in contact again, and carried on our friendship. He is an absolute gorgeous person, and I always had some sort of crush on him. I told my b/f about him long ago, and he is okay with us writing to each other. I also planned to try and go visit him later this year. But recently our friendship has developed more. He also phoned me a few times. I am really very attracted to him. And a few days ago I realised that I have actually fallen in love with him. I put the feelers out to test if I was crazy, but it turns out he feels exactly the same way. Now we can't stop thinking about each other, and he wants me to come visit sooner. Problem is, I am in a relationship, in which I thought I was very happy. And I do love my boyfriend, I know that for a fact. So this is confusing me more, how could I have fallen for the other guy, but I know for sure that I have, very much so in fact, it is like our souls are connecting. And I feel that I need to give it a chance. What if my destiny lies somewhere else. I do not want to trample all over my boyfriend's heart. But I do not wan't to go through life and wonder what could have been. "Luckily" at this stage I cannot afford to go overseas, but eventually I will have to make a choice. Should I go for it, because there really is a chance with this guy, and if I get my heart broken, at least I would have grown and know it wasn't meant to be, or should I just be content with what I have now? Is it possible to fall in love with someone you have never met in real life before? I am very confused.
Answer 448 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Marco,
There's at least one important distincton between these two relationships. Your bf here is a flesh-and-blood guy you actually know in reality, and love for what he truly IS. The internet pal might be all you dream he is, or may be nothing like it --- you have only met what he has chosen to present you with, only seen and heard what he wanted you to see and hear, Just as on Chatrooms, our kids need to know that the 12-year-old blond cutie they're chatting with could be a 49-year-old bald trucker, so cyber-relationships tend to be idealized and basically fantasy. The relationship with your bf is a real one, which you have ; the other is a possible one, which you might have. You could find that Mr Wonderful falls far short of your expectations, and at the cost of having lost or damaged the excellent relationship you already have. But the decision is of course entirely yours.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.