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18 Apr 2006

Intelligent, self hating, drinking female
I've been drinking every night for the past 20 years, and I hate myself! My husband died recently from alcohol related heart desease, yet here I sit alone, still drinking! He stopped drinking completely for 2 months, which I think is what kil;ed him. Surprisingly, medical checkups show I'm still healthy. Everyday I tell myself I'll stop tomorrow, but I never do. I often go for 3 or 4 days without drinking, but then it seems like some vital & essential part of me is missing. I don't crave alcohol, just the effect it has of making me feel real. I couldn't handle the humiliation of going to re-hab, nor the time off from work. I tried our local AA but felt totally out of place with the desperate people who were there - toothless and often drunk too.
I'll never become like that, but know I'll irritate & alienate people before long.
I wish I could stop. I know only I can do it but can't find the reson to.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Ashanti,
The liver is very forgiving, and puts up with abuse by alcohol for surprisingly long ; but when it starts to give up the struggle, things can go downhill rather fast. I understand that you found the AA group you joined rather off-putting --- but recognize that one of those there, including the toothless and drunk, felt that they would ever become "like that" --- and yet they did. See a good local shrink for a proper assessment, and then discuss treatment options. When the amount of alcohol one consumes routinely is igh enough, one may require the safety of a rehab admission to withdraw from the alcohol safely. But it may be possible, with your particular pattern of drinking, to withdraw without admission to a regular rehab program. Yet you do still need the guidance and support of an experienced counsellor and related assistance to get off the alcohol and stay off it. I do agree that you CAN do it, but it will almost certainly need more than your unaided intentions, to achieve this
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