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18 Apr 2006

Intelligent, self hating, drinking female
I've been drinking every night for the past 20 years, and I hate myself! My husband died recently from alcohol related heart desease, yet here I sit alone, still drinking! He stopped drinking completely for 2 months, which I think is what kil;ed him. Surprisingly, medical checkups show I'm still healthy. Everyday I tell myself I'll stop tomorrow, but I never do. I often go for 3 or 4 days without drinking, but then it seems like some vital & essential part of me is missing. I don't crave alcohol, just the effect it has of making me feel real. I couldn't handle the humiliation of going to re-hab, nor the time off from work. I tried our local AA but felt totally out of place with the desperate people who were there - toothless and often drunk too.
I'll never become like that, but know I'll irritate & alienate people before long.
I wish I could stop. I know only I can do it but can't find the reson to.
Answer 429 views

01 Jan 0001

Hi Ashanti,
The liver is very forgiving, and puts up with abuse by alcohol for surprisingly long ; but when it starts to give up the struggle, things can go downhill rather fast. I understand that you found the AA group you joined rather off-putting --- but recognize that one of those there, including the toothless and drunk, felt that they would ever become "like that" --- and yet they did. See a good local shrink for a proper assessment, and then discuss treatment options. When the amount of alcohol one consumes routinely is igh enough, one may require the safety of a rehab admission to withdraw from the alcohol safely. But it may be possible, with your particular pattern of drinking, to withdraw without admission to a regular rehab program. Yet you do still need the guidance and support of an experienced counsellor and related assistance to get off the alcohol and stay off it. I do agree that you CAN do it, but it will almost certainly need more than your unaided intentions, to achieve this
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