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11 Jan 2005

is divorce the better option?
i am not going to do anything silly, but i would really like your objective opinion here, gievn the small amount of information I am giving you. i am middle aged. children are grown, in the same home but living independently. husband is very difficult to get on with in that he wants to be in charge of everyone and everything, wants all the attention, wants to be the most important person at all times. I find this intolerable, personally , and the children avoid him due to this behaviour. I know that I do not behave as I would wish to, do not live the way I'd wish to, all because I prefer to keep the peace (so I hold my tongue) and want not to upset the children by breaking up the home. I am a very adaptable person and emotionally stable. I deal very well with all sorts of stressful situations and people often seek me out as a mediator, so although i am not happy the situation does not destroy me emotionally.I just wake up each day without enthusiasm.I have more or less abandoned my dreams and aspirations. My husband does happen to be an excellent provider. In fact he seems to think that as long as he is a good provider no-one has any reason to complain. I just wonder whether it would be better to cause all the family upset by leaving him to live my own life, which quite honestly, I would have done long before this if there were no family to break up.. Please give me your honest opinion.
Answer 362 views

01 Jan 0001

Isn't it typical of the more old-fashioned view of marriage, that so many men still feel that so long as they're a "good provider" financially, they need provide nothing else, emotionally or otherwise ? I gather that your husband would resist counslling --- being so sure that he is always right isn't so much confidence, as a comfortable delusion !
I suppose your options wouild be these ---
a) continue as you have done, unfulfilled but able to carry on,
b) extend the parallel lives motif, and explore all the ways you could now more greatly fulfil yourself in hobbies, friendships, and other satisfying activities, while remaining married, , or
c) consult a lawyer to make sure of the likely outcome and the extent to which you can preserve your independence financially, and consider proceeding with a divorce, then making your own life style, needing to satisfy nobody but yourself. C may turn out to be the best option, but it all depends on what you want most, and what is practical for you
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