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17 Feb 2004

is it
i have a frend who has two siblings,,,there mom walked out on them wen they were very little.
she was 8 and the other was 6 and the other 1,
they are good girls but r rebellious and stubborn at times,,they live with there dad who is remarried....

i was jus wondering if something like that wud affect there behaviour,,as they have neva seen there mom since then,(13 yrs since she left),she has not called them once,nor bothered seeing them,,,could all this result in them being physcologically affected,even though there dad gives them all the love they need.from a parent.
any advice is welcome.
Answer 363 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

concerned, it's actually hard to generalize in such matters. Some kids show remarkable resilience, and survive earthquakes and wars with no sign of damage ; others can be deeply and lastingly disturbed by comparatively small events. Their ages at the time of the mom's departure could be relevant --- the girl who was 1 at the time is unlikely to remember anything of the woman, and would know only what her sisters told her ; the girls who were 6 and 8 at the time would remember her and would have established a relationship with her.
We don't know what that relationship was. A woman who would walk out on her three daughters and make no atempt to contact them in 13 years, is probably unlikely to have had a close and warm relationship with them, so they might not feel especally bereft of it. But of course there could have been a close relationship, with wholly other reasons explaining the mother's unmotherly behaviour later.
Also, you don't actually describe any problems in the daughters. Stubborn at times ? Aren't most of us ? So if by now they aren't showing any noticeable problems, nor complaining of any, it is unlikely that new problems will develop.
It is arguable that they might, once they in turn marry and have children of their own, feel some lack of a real mothering role-model, but their own instincts will probably see them through without trouble.
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