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08 Mar 2004

Is it possible to start all over again after 19 years of marriage
Dear Doc,
Please help. My husband of 19 years made very important decisions on his own without discussing it. This changed our lives (3 kids) forever. He gave up his job of 20yrs, he attempted to start his own business, etc. and the stress of all of this got to our relationship. We drifted apart 2 yrs ago but still lived together in the same house - this was an extremely difficult time for all of us. There was no communication, no more fights, no more "happy" times. The innocence of my marriage was gone. I tried to get help - meeting with the priest and our parents and this ended worse than what was intended. He did not need help and will work it out on his own. Oct 2002 he filed for legal divorce which went through and married someone in Aug 2003. Before he got married he made up with me & still married her. 3 days later he came home, wanting his family back but still being married to someone else (customary marriage) and I accepted all of this; maybe for the wrong reasons (sacredness of a marriage, for my childrens sake but scaringly I think I still love him). I asked him to move out & to make sure it is what he wants - he continued with this pattern. 1 day home with us and 1 day with new wife... I did not realize that it was going to be this difficult. I tried to tell myself if I continue to pray, be patient all of this will blow over. My priest also gave me this advice. Well, it took him 6 months to end it with her (so he says) He came home on Sunday 7 March with all his belongings. Do I wait for him to tell me that its over, do I ask for a divorce certificate, What should I do? I feel that he is not my husband any longer - this I also told him.

Is it possible to completely start all over again with the same person? I am trying so hard not to think about the past 2 yrs years.
Thanks

Answer 388 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Scorpio,
As the saying goes, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Why not consider entering marriage counselling with him, to sort out this confuson he has created ? Congratulations on how well you have managd to learn and grow through this experience.
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