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15 Feb 2004

Is my 13 year old anti-social??
Hi,

My oldest daughter will be 14 in the summer. She is a sweet girl, does fairly well in school and besides the normal moodiness and hormonal things in a girl of that age she is not a problem child. I am concerned however because she has no desire to have any friends. In school she does not talk. she sits alone at lunch by choice and refuses to participate in any activities..dances, clubs and sports. she is a girlscout and attends meetings..however she is very quiet and does not say much at all. She is invited often to parties, and asked to accompany others to schol dances or movies or sleepovers, bu always refuses. She does not evenhave one friend she would like to invite over o go to the girls house or anything. I was very much a loner as a child and did not particvipate much BUT I always had 2-3 friends I spent time with on the phone and we shopped and had sleepovers. I am afraid there is somethign wrong with my child. HELP. what do I do??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Tink,
I'm sure there is nothing wrong with your daughter, and that she doesn't need drug treatment. You're describing a character. Some girls are the opposite of your daughter --- always in a whirl of social activity, never happy unless they're with people, and though a mom probably is less likely to worry about such a child, as Paul suggests, when they get a bit further into adolescence, they can run into a great many more problems than the quiet kids.
Some of us are simply more content with our own company, have a richer internal life, and less need of stimulation from others. That usually doesn't cause problems.
There's no harm in chatting to her about it, simply remarking that you notice that she seems a bit solitary, and asking whether she ever misses having closer friends. If she does, if she herself eels she is missing something and would like to change a bit, then seeing a counsellor could help her achieve a re-adjustment that would make her happier. But if she's happy and contented as she is, that's fine, too.
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