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29 Mar 2007

is my marriage finished?
I'm 25yrs old, husband is 34yrs. Married for 2yrs but have been "serious" since I was 16. I'm not sure that we LIKE each other anymore. He's changed and I've changed, we've both grown up and I think we've grown apart from one another. Lately he's been very cold and critical towards me. Our sexlife is pathetic, I only get "some" when I ask for it.I think I still love him, but I like him less and less everyday. Can it still be love? I'm so confused. I feel that we're just pretending to other people and ourselves that we're ok. Everybody thinks we're the perfect couple and he's the perfect husband.There are so many things that are wrong, that I dont know if its worth fighting to make it right. I trusted him to love me and make me feel like I'm his #1, and he's let me down like every other person I've trusted in my whole life. He's just like them, I'm only good for what I can give. Love can be taken away if I dont behave, I seem not to deserve it like everyone else does. It seems easier to just be alone. If I'm alone I cant get hurt. From the outside I have it all, but if only people could see how I'm feeling inside. I'm falling apart, but nobody must know. It was always easy to hide what I feel, turn the pain and anger into something cold and hard and move on. But I cant anymore. I think I'm too screwed up inside, how can my marriage ever work?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I always think LIKE is an essential precursor and foundation for love --- there are too many people who fall in lover without first falling in like. But surely it's worth trying hard, if not fighting, to see if things can be put right ? Marriage counselling is capable of helping a great deal, and at least, even if the eventual decision is to part, it helps to make sure that you part more amicably and understanding how things went wrong, so as to be better capable of avoiding any repetition of such problems.
When you refer to "every other person I've trusted in my whole life" having let you down, this experience and conclusion could well be strongly colouring your perception of the surrent situation, and your responses to it.
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