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08 Jul 2005

Is this normal for men?
It seems like when I feel good about myself, maybe some new clothes or just something good happening with me my guy will say something negative about something and bring me down. We have been together for 7 years. My mom will say he is just saying those things because he doesn't feel good. Most of the time I will just blow it off but sometimes I just don't understand if he loves me why would he say things to make me feel bad. And when I tell him that then he turns it around on me like how dare I think he is trying to make me feel bad. I never say anything bad to him. I would never want to hurt his feelings. I just don't understand people.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like you're allowing this guy to be far too dominant and important in deciding how you will feel. It wouldn't be surprising if your mom was right --- people who don't feel good in themselves and about themselves, often make critical comments to others, dragging other people's mood down to their own level. It usually isn't particularly linked to whether or not he loves you, though a really loving person would try to avoid doing this.
Counselling for him to enable him to move away from this negative state, and to feel better about himself, would help ; and maybe some counselling for you, to help you be stronger and more confident, and not so easily blown off balance i your mood. he is saying things that make you feel bad, they may not necessarily be intended to make you feel bad.
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