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30 Jul 2007

Is this what I really want?
Hi CS. Some advice please.

I got divorced in April after being separated since Feb this year. In April I met a man, we get along really well, and we have a lot in common. He is not quite divorced yet, although started proceedings before we even met. Although I can feel myself falling in love with this man, he is very hesitant to commit to any kind of relationship right now, which I can sort of understand given the fact that he is actually still married. However, sometimes it just niggles in the back of my mind that I actually want more out of a relationship than just the occassional get together. When we do get together we have a lot of fun. As I said, we have a lot in common. It just seems sometimes that he is equally happy when I am not around. And I am not. I miss him when we are not together. But I am not sure if it is him I actually miss or just the company. You see, I was married for 15 years and now on my own for the first time ever. I am a bit confused as to how it is I really feel, I think.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

As we keep saying, be very cautious about ANY relationship formed when either of you are on the rebound from a previous relationship. He is right to hesitate about committing himself now, and you should be hesitant, too. Be friendly, fine. And your desire to spend more time with him, sounds more like this is FOR YOU, rather than for him or for both of you. It sounds as though you are lonely and still on the rebound from the loss of your own mariage, and maybe even scared to be alone. Coundelling might help you to relax, to be less needy, and to remain a friend until both of you might become ready for more
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