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16 Dec 2004

Just want to talk, if that's ok?
Hi Dear CS,

I hope that you're taking time off on this public holiday? I'm at my parent's place, mom asked me to come and visit for the weekend, so I took the drive from Pretoria to KZN yesterday afternoon and got here late last night.

Yesterday I finally met the "David Beckham" sportsman for lunch. There was no uneasyness or anything. I do admit to being nervous about it all though, and when I saw him drive past, my heart skipped a beat. At second glance, I saw he'd picked up a little weight, and I felt a little better about that. As far as anything romantic is concerned, I think we've gained closure there. While we never talked about what went wrong and all that, it was just easy to have a conversation. Things are going well with him. I did get the impression though that he wanted to ask mesomething but was holding back. From my side, my instincts are tellimg me to try and fix everything up and give him another chance romatically, but he said something yesterday that made me stop and decide to follow my head rather than my heart this time.

What's really on my mind though, CS, is that my father told me something really disturbing last night. His best friend's granddaughter tried to commit suicide about 2 weeks ago. She and I were very good friends at a time in my life once. She's a year younger than I am, and she lived in Mpumalanga and I was here in KZN. We used to phone and write each other a lot, and I thought were quite close. THings changed when I went to Varsity - I saw a side of her that I didn't like, and I found her to be quite shallow. She had this tendency to "steal" boyfriends away while she had her own. So we grew apart. Later she and my older sister became quite good friends, and apparently the same happened with my sister. Anyway CS, back to the point. My dad told me that she was raped as a young girl, and quite recently was raped by another guy that lives accross the road from her grandfather. I have a little difficulty in beleiving that, because that guy, and excuse the way of saying it, is retarded. He was in a car accident 2 years ago, and as a result, can't even feed himself. And then I got to thinking - I didn't think the guy that raped me would ever do something like that, and yet he did!

What's on my mind though, is that I've had this little bump in my life, and it sent me into the abyss of feeling sorry for myself and all. I never thought I'd be someone to go on AD's and much as they've helped me get out of the pit, I want to take charge of myself and be a success and the master of my own life. I can't help but feel ashamed of my own misery compared to what this girl friend of mine has been through. I had no idea about the first rape. I knew she was sexually active with the other guy though.

CS, I know I'm probably not making much sense at the moment, and I was lying awake all night thinking about this. You don't have to reply, you can give me a ",,,," - I just needed someone to talk to this morning!

Hope you have a wonderful day, and all the best for the weekend.

Lots of love
Answer 393 views

01 Jan 0001

Hi Mindful,
Chat away, by all means. Pleased to hear you managed the journey safely. And please don't let yourself become one of thos people who think that taking an antidepressant as part of their work on recovery, somehow devalues the process, or means that they're not "master of their own life". If you wanted to master your own driving, you'd still need a car --- you absolutely could not do it solely on your own. And you probably had some drving lessons at the beginning, too. That doesn't make your skilled driving any the less significant. When a sensible person, like you, USES a medication in order to achieve something worthwhile, that's the only sensible way to do it. You wouldn't try to heal a broken leg, I hope, while refusing to use plaster of paris as a temporary splint ?
Sorry to hear about your friend, but we each have our own burdens to deal with, some bigger than other people seem to have, some smaller. What matters is what we do about them.
For some absurd, but maybe not altogether unconnected reason, I am remembering a story someone once swore was true, about a family who have their kid a teddy bear for Christmas, and were surprised when the child named it "Gladly". When asked why this name had been chosen, the kid explained this was a name chosen from her favourite hymn. Further exploration found the hymn was "Gladly, My Cross I'd Bear". Or, in the child's hearing, Gladly, my cross-eyed bear."
have a really gladly Christmas. And many happy ,,,,,'s !
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