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Question

03 Feb 2009

Just wondering
Hi CS,

I am just wondering if saying " everything happends for a reason"  is realistic or not. I was married to an abusive man for over 2 years before I divorced him. I always say this happened for a reason otherwise I would not be able to live on my own now. Am I right in thinking this or am I just making an excuse for having made a mistake in marrying the abusive man in the first place?

My daughter is getting married this year. I am worried that his is not the right man for her, but there is nothing I can say to make her realize this. At least as far as I know he is not abusive. Do you think that just because I am divorced twice, makes me think she is making a mistake too?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

DO you now need to look for an excuse for having lived with the nasty guy before leaving him ? Congratulations on finally having the sense to leave him --- many women find it hard to achieve that. Don't nag your daughter about her choice of spouse, but may talk with her calmly about how you were also so sure that you were marrying the right guy, and ignored anyone who suggested caution, and then discovered that he was abusive. Clearly, your own unhappy experiences may make you unduly gloomy about the outlook here. If you have no specific reason to suspect him of anything bad, relax, let her know you feel concerned but that this might be due to your own past expereinces, and that you hope she will be happy, and will remain available to support and help her.
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