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31 Mar 2006

lack of maternal instincts
For some reason I really wanted to have a child when I got to 30 but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I realized I had made a huge mistake. I thought about having an abortion many times but couldn’t go through with it as I thought it would ruin my marriage. I also thought it was not the right thing to have an abortion as I initially decided I wanted a child so must be responsible for the consequences of my actions. I am coping ok now that I have had the baby and he will soon be a year but I still sometime regret having a child. Will it be this way all my life? Regretting having a child? There are some happy moments but on the whole I am not enjoying the motherhood experience much. I am tired of all the bottle washing, nappy changing etc. I know that I must deal with my decision to have a child and do the best I can but it worries me that I don’t feel as much affection or maternal instincts as other people seem to. I don’t think it will help to see a shrink and it is too expensive. I doubt there is any medication they can give to make me feel differently. Fortunately he goes to crèche full day while I am at work which is just as well as I couldn’t handle having him at home all day. I am soon going to be starting another job where I work less hours and it worries me that people keep saying how nice it will be for me to spend more time with my son when the truth is I simply can’t cope with spending more time with him. The weekends when he is at home all day are hard enough for me. I really miss the days when I was child free and there is no one I can tell how I feel as they will just judge me and think I am a horrible person for not wanting to be a mother. I am sure there are other people out there who feel the same as me but are just to afraid to say anything as society expects us to love every moment of being a mother. I am doing the best I can to take care of my son as I don’t want him to feel unloved. I am not a cold person but I just don’t feel very maternal.
Answer 513 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

You need to see a good local counsellor, Gail. You can work through these issues which are troubling you --- and there may also be an element of PostNatal Depression ( which, despite the name, can also be seen earlier in the pregnancy ). You seem to be giving up on the possibility that a shrink, counsellor or meds could help, before ebven trying that possibility. Excellent responses from other readers, here, too
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