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13 Jul 2005

Learning acceptance
I am in my forties and divorced. Since my divorce I have not been in any relationship. Part of the problem is that I am not sexy or pretty and therefore do not get "noticed". I also hate the idea of dating. I want to be in a relationship, part of a family. But the catch is that I have to do the kinds of things that are more effective when you are 18 and gorgeous to get that. And it is not easy. I have decided that I must learn to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life. But my yearning for a partner and a safe, stable relationship is so great that I don't know how I am going to achieve that kind of acceptance. Are there any suggestions out there, perhaps from some of you who have been down this road?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

"Sexy" and "pretty" are all in the eye of the observer, and most women are both ; but if they feel convinced that they are not, then it certainly does spoil their appearance by spoiling their self-confidence. And most 18-year-olds are NOT "gorgeous", so the task is much less difficult that you seem to assume. I agree with Liza about the importance of activities, classes, clubs, awhatever --- it keeps you cheerfully occupied, and lets you meet more interesting people, and without the hungry nervousness of the usual pick-up places.
Quotation ---Of course, Agatha Christie was also the woman who pointed out that she had the advantage of a husband who was a noted archeologist " So the older I get, the more interested he is !".
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