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Question

05 Mar 2004

living a lie!
i am in an extremly difficult position. when i was 14 i became pregnant and my parents made me give the baby up for adoption. i couldnt have an abortion as i didnt realise i was pregnant until the eighth month. i have constantly thought about my baby but never spoke of it to anyone. not even my parents who would rather think the situation was all a bad dream. anyway i have lived my life 'normally', got married had kids got the nice house and have the nice holidays but now i have recieved a letter from this agency saying my son wants to contact me. i really dont know what to do. my husband knows nothing of this and talking to my parents is a definate no. deep down i think i want to meet him and want my children to know they have another brother but im scared of the un-known. will my son hate me, will he understand why i had him adopted, will he come into my life then leave again? i hope someone can help i feel all alone in dealing with this.
Answer 413 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear jackie,
I'm sure we can all appreciate the difficulty and uncertainty you feel in this unexpected situation. Your son has, obviously, discovered that he was adopted. If for some reason he found that a reason to hate you, he'd hardly want to waste the time and effort to contac you and try to meet you. I expect that he is prepared to understand the situation, and wants to hear your point of view. He may be satisfied by only one or a few meetings, or may want to keep in contact --- remember that he does have adoptive parents, and a whole other life involving them. Generally, when such meetings arise at the request of the child, they tend to go well. You will be able to explain to him the situation you were in, the great pressures you experinced, and he will be able to understand. If you don't meet, you're likely forever more to wonder about what you may have missed, about what would have happened if you had met.
Perhaps the greater puzzle is how your husband would respond to the news. Talking to him about i will be difficult. But again, as you two have had a long and happy marriage, he ought to be able to cope with this news, and to understand the intolerable position you were in, way back then. You can all gain, substantially, from the good resolution of this situation, which is likely and achievable.
Do keep in contact with the Forum, and let us know how things progress.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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