Hi sweetie pie !
Yes, indeed, it must be hard to carry the load. I sometimes wonder, seeing a crowd of folks all being jolly and cheery, how many loads each one is carrying, and how hard they're all working to convince all the others that there's nothing bothering them at all. And it's a pity that sometimes one gets stuck in a job with unsociable working conditions when one has little choice, as older and paler males tend to have less choice. Of course you're not being stupid at all. But, from the sound of it, lonely and lacking in handy support. Lee is right about the value of getting involved in charities and similar organizations, for companionship and to keep usefully occupied, with less time for feeling frazzled at home.