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21 Jan 2004

Dear Doc

My husband's previous wife passed away 5 years ago. She disappeared and was found 3 weeks later. All the signs point to suicide.

When I met my husband I was assured that the issues relating to her death had been dealt with. However, 3 years down the line, he still lies awake at night thinking about her and the circumstances and is still angry. I can see he has not dealt with things. However, knowing he is still thinking about the past makes me close up emotionally as I have my own set of war wounds.

Am I unrealistic? Will this haunt me for always?
Answer 387 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Clover,
No, it needn't haunt either of you forever, though it shows the extent to which suicide can be an extremely hostile act, causing decades of hurt. And anger can be a natural reaction, which often gets compounded by finding onself feeling guilty for feeling angry, and so on. Counselling is the primary remedy here, espcially when one's own efforts o sort out the emotions and ideas and reactions has become an exercise of sterile and painful wheel-spinning, and isn't progressing usefully. Then, just as making bread needs yeast, so we need a counsellor's expert outside contribution to enable us to progress in solving our problems.
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