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22 Jan 2004

Lost control over my emotions
Not so long ago I tended just to ignore situations that could lead to conflict, but for a long time now I go out of my way to encourage it. I want to get back at everybody, in traffic, at work, I want to come out top all the time and I find myself thinking sometimes, how I will handle a situation to come out as “winner”, by “showing” that person, but this just makes things worse…

It rightfully grieves my fiancée when I am handling situations in this fashion and this leads to huge fights, with me just not able to acknowledging my mistakes and want to justify my actions. I might have let the above sound as a minor thing, but it is difficult to express myself and is actually ruining or lives. Please help
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear aatt,
Sounds like aberrant problem-solving to me. For a number of reasons, often bitterness surviving after one o more bad experiences when you felt that someone else treated you badly, one may come to see too many people as potential enemies, and to defend oneself against them in ways that create the very situation you are supposedly trying to avoid. From the sound of it, you could really greatly benefit from counselling, to work on these issues, on the background for why you have been feeling so aggrieved and aggressive, to understand the trigger points that lead you into these unhelpful responses, and to deise alternative ways of responding, that would be more fruitful.
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