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13 Feb 2004

Lost in hope

I have been with my boyfriend now for 5 years. We almost got married two years ago. The reason why we didnt is because of his mother. The problem is, his mother is a drug addict... but it's all prescription medicine that the docters have given her. It has gone as far a her taking 16 ampules of prescribed morphine a day. Her drug abuse started when my boyfriend was about 7 years old. As he was growing up his mother encouraged him to cover her states of "highness" up, so that his father wouldnt divorce her. I now sit with a man that is compulsive liar. He has had to lie his whole life and doesnt now better than that. He has even told me that he doesnt even think about his lies... they just come out. I have never had to worry about his loyalty to me, the one thing I have caught him out with... time and again, is money. He steals money, if not from me, then from his father. His mother has taught him that too. She had to pay for her medication somehow, and for a house wife, money doesnt come easily. He is also a high school drop out, which both his parents fully supported, the thing is now he has no education, no job, no money, which in turn makes him become terribly destructive with his lies and money... I dont know what to do. I live in this hope that I can maybe get him on his feet so that he can fend for himself, and try and teach him that there is more to life than money and lies. I have arranged a session with a psychologist, so that we can both attend as a couple... but I feel that there is more to his "recovery" than couples theropy.

Please help, I trully believe that there is hope for him... I just dont know how to "fix" him on my own.

Answer 421 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Mich,
If this woman is receiving prescriptions from any doctor(s) for that amount of morphine daily, then the situation should be reported to the police for investigation. Nobody should ever prescribe morphine ( outside of specific uses in hospital, eg after surgery ) except for someone in severe pain with terminal cancer ; and if the woman is recognized as a Morphine addict, it is highly irresponsible to simply feed the habit, and she should have been required to take part in a proper drug rehab program long ago, rather than receiving such prescriptions.
I understand the difficulties a child / young man might experience if pressurized by his mother to lie to cover up for her addiction, bu this wouldn't usually lead to him becoming a "compulsive liar", lying about other matters.
Couples therapy may be worth trying, but he surely also needs some individual therapy to clear up the remaining areas of misconduct you describe.
His lack of education will indeed be a significant handicap at present --- but there is no reason why he can't remedy this. He should get ANY legitimate job he can, to get used to the whole rhythm of work, and the process of responsibility and working, and he can then strive to move to ever better jobs. Meanwhile, he can check with his local Dept of Education, as there are supposed to be programs for former high-school dropouts to drop back again and resume and complete their studies, as well as adult education programs. If he were not prepared to just accept his situation, but prefered to put energy into putting things right, the situation may indeed be remediable. But most of the work will have to be done by him, not you, even though you could facilitate or encourage it.
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