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21 Jul 2008

Lost Love for my husband
Hi Everyone,
I don' t think I still love my husband and that is killing me. I don' t feel the way I used to feel about him. Everytime I look at him I don' t get anything.We' ve been through so much together good and bad.I never thought I' ll feel like this about him. This days I notice other men in the way that I don' t like, it' s like I' m not married.
My husband cheated on me, 3 yrs ago and it was terrible. He insisted on having a relationship with the women, he even told me he loved the women and so much happened. This afair went on for more than 6 moths. I went for counselling then, by myself because he din' t want to go for marriage counselling with me. It' s unfortunate that even today I still cry when I remember what he did and how he treated me then Even now as I' m typing my eyes are full with tears.
Only last year he started telling me that he regrets what he did, that he made poor judgement and all, but I don' t feel his empathy and I still think he doesn' t understand what that did to me. After that our relation is been a turmoil, I lost respect for him and I started talking to him in whatever way with no respect at all.
This January he told me for the 100th time that he wants a divorce, I was shocked but I accepted. For 3 months he' ll be telling me how he wants a divorce, how he got app' s with lawyers and telling me that I shouldn' t be confused whe he' s nice to me he still going ahead with the divorce. In April just days before he got his hiv result he told me he need to talk to me and what he wants to say to me it' s something that will build our relationship. We made an app to talk on Fri and on Thurs his results came in and they were +ve. Can you imagine the scare at that time but fortunately I tested -ve. And now after 3 yrs of trying to get him to go with me for marrital counselling he finally agreed. And I question he' s sudden changes...why now is it because he realise he needs me now more than ever because....he bacame wiser or because he' s hiv +ve. Believe you me this man has also been very good to me and we got 3 kids together that I believe are holding us together sometimes cause it' s really bad....Now I feel I want to walk away and never come back but I look at my kids, the way they adore their father the life that they have and I don' t think I can walk away. Last month i saw a guy at the party and I was so attracted to him in a way that surprised me. I' m married I shouldn' t be going around falling for other guys. But now I realise is because I don' t have feelings for my husband anymore.
I want to try marriage counselling before I make any big decisions.
What do you guys think, CS please help??
Thank You All :-(
Answer 422 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I understand your distress and puzzlement, but as you'll understand, we can't answer the major questions you have --- maybe even he might not be capable of being honest enough, even with himself, to answer them. But this would be a good time to get him into marriage counselling --- not with a determination to save the marriage at all costs, but to understand what has been and still is happening, and to enable you boh to make more sensible and wise decisions about the future. YOu need to take all precautions to retain your HIV- status. But remember he is facing a situation he freelly chose to create, disregarding your feelings and even safety ; so your needs, safety and happiness must be the primary aim of any counselling.
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