Ask an expert
Question

06 Oct 2009

Love, death, wants
Hello,

I' m a guy in my late 20' s and I really want a stable healthy relationship but I cant see myself having one without getting into endless trouble.

There is no " spark"  for anyone and I have never been in love but I have had mild obsessions over some girls.It never lasts more than 2 days so its really difficult to handle the complexities of a relationship. When I find someone that is interested in me I get really bored and irritated at the same time due to the required compromise. Good sex does not make up for the frustration so the relationship cant even be based on that.

I can make any relationship work and seem to be really good at it. My problem is that even though I can do this when necessary it still makes me unhappy deep down. Within hours of getting someone interested in me I start getting thoughts about how to get the person out of my life due to the extreme boredom even though I do not associate with dull people. Some people only get clingy after you tell them to go so I find myself thinking of and sometimes even planning more permanent solutions. Obviously this can complicate my life more than necessary if I make a mistake somewhere.

Most of my friends have girls and are starting to settle down/get married/move in together. I intend to have the same so do you perhaps have any tips on how to deal with my situation? I somehow need to tolerate someone close and not get bored/annoyed but I am not sure how.

Thank you taking the time to read this.

Have a wonderful day!
Answer 415 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Jason,
As of today, this is how you feel, based on your experiences so far. You actually have no reason to assume that this is how things will always be. Sparks don't come on demand. And maybe you have some maturing to do before you are capable of the sort of relationship you are looking for right now. There's plenty of time. Some personal therapy or counselling could help you to clarify your thinking and decide more usefully what you need and want, when, and how to get there from here. You don't have to follow your friends' timetable. Some of them will date early, bond early, marry early --- and divorce early. There's no urgency to settling down yet, and not much urgency ever --- people should work to their own inner timetables, not to the expectations of others.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9364 votes
No
67% - 19337 votes
Vote