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05 Mar 2004

Marriage
I am hoping someone out there can help me understand - but first some background info.

I'm in my early 30's and my bf in his late 30's. We have been seeing eachother for 1 1/2 yrs. We jointly bought a house 6 months ago. He has a 6 yr old girl from his previous marriage.

The problem is that his daughter is very jealous of me (she makes it quiet clear - and he acknowledges it). Her mother also stirs things up (eg. Told the daugher that her father should of taken her out of v-day and not me). Anyway, things are sometimes a bit tense at home when she is around (I also have had no previous dealings with any children which makes me very nervous and unsure of myself).

Anyway the thing is that my b/f has said that we cannot get married cos our 3 way relationship is not what it is suppose to be (but he can't really tell me how it's suppose to be). Granted things are a wee bit tense but hell we've only had 6 months of leaving together (and she only there 8 days in a month). But what makes it worse is that he says that if he did not have a daughter - he and I would have already been married cos the 2 of us are perfect together. But now my q is - are we not already living like a married couple? I'm thinking along the lines that if we lived in separate homes - he would have a valid point. Is there something more to his "decision"?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Gemi,
Like you, I tend to get puzzled when, in situations like this, a guy complains that things are not "how they're supposed to be" without being able to describe how he things they ought to be. That sounds like an excuse, and one that isn't very well thought out, at that. Tersia's boyfriend sounds even more transparent --- he's been dating her for 10 years, and has been happy to live with her at her present weight, but will only marry her when she reaches some arbitrary target weight ? Does he want to marry a woman, or a weighing machine ?
Maybe he's having problems with committment, or whatever. But it does sound as if the daughter's failure to relate well to you ( so far ) can be related to his failure to commit himself to you clearly, his tentativeness. OK< so you're not used to relating to children, but that's easy to learn, and he could do a lot to help you ( and the girl ) learn quickly.
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