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10 Jan 2005

marriage blues
I am launching a new simplex project. I have a few university students I employed to help me out and to see how it goes. They are repeating a few subjects and can thus be employed permanently. As a result and my product we will be marketing ourselves. My wife asked for a brochure which I gave to her. At ten last night she returns and tells me she has sold 10 already.

The money I mentioned previously that I gave her she invested a large part of it(I do not mind).

Somehow I feel miserable about her having sold these units.I feel jealous and once again it is the case where if I have sourced an excellent piece of land and she climbs in and takes the limelight and makes me look like an idiot. When I make mistakes she is quick to say "I TOLD YOU SO" and "YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO ME" although she does not have a clue what I am talking about. When she makes mistakes I do not capitalise on it(I know what business is about). It is always her way. She has no qualms helping her buddies financially nor resenting me for working like a maniac.
I have a secretary and inevitably you build up a friendship. Her words are always things like "you deserve it because you work hard" , " you know what you are doing" etc etc. I increased her salary to be able to buy a car - the joy and appreciation on her face words cannot describe. she has pepped me up more in 9 months of being in my employ than my wife has ever in our 18 years of marrage.
I married to have a friend, partner and somebody who will support me no matter what. I feel she thinks I am an idiot and has no appreciation or respect for me.
I do not know if I am wrong in resenting my wife for selling these units. I appreciate the sales but feel sour about her having sold it.
I have zero sex drive so nothing will happen between me and this secretary accept maybe a friendship.
This is weighing me down and I feel like a caged animal and am finding it hard daily to push myself and see the day through. Maybe it is a thing men go through in their forties(midlife crisis)
Answer 386 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Excellent advice from Liza, Beyond Tired, Angellove, and Inc. The sugestion that marriage counselling is needed, is irresistable. From the sound of it, I'd guess that your wife has a very low self-esteem, and puts you down so as to feel better about herself ( and maybe in areas like sales, where she excels, she overdoes it, much as you do, so as to affirm to herself that she DOES have skills. You too seem to have a vulnerable sense of self-worth, and unfortunately in this combination, are especially vulnerable to her put-downs, and to inflating and enhancing them in allowing them to have such an impact on you. With this sense of antagonism and competition it's hardly likely there's be much spark of sexual attraction between you two at this stage --- though counselling could sort that out. Keep thinking ( you're a creative guy ) of ways to persuade her to join you in that.
And consider personal counselling, to better appreciate your own worth ( not in financial terms) --- so she's good at selling property. If it weren't for your even more special skillls, there's be nothing for her to sell. This is a marriage, not a competition or race. The sese of jealousy is clear, in that you'd celebrate if anyone but her had sold those same units.
And be VERY careful not to allow the relationship with that friendly and supportive secretary to ever go beyond a good office working relationship. Otherwise it could bring misery on you all, and could give your wife an excellent reason to see how much more her lawyer could extract from you. You need not be so needy of affirmation as to run such a needless risk
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