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10 Jul 2005

Marriage Councellors
I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We got married 8 months after meeting one another. We have faught non-stop for all this time. My husband works 7 days a week and I am frustrated with the fact that I never see him. He gets home at night, and watches TV until he falls asleep. When I ask for some time with him, I get accused of not supporting him and letting him go to work. The only time he takes off work is for us to visit his friend every 2 weeks. He doesn't understand that I feel this to be unfair. I asked if we could spend the afternoon together today as he has worked 7 days a week for the past 4 or 5 weeks. He was furious about this.

We have been for marriage councelling twice. The first psychologist told us that we should get divorced and the second one told us that she is giving up on us and that we should accept that I will never be the wife he wants and he will never be the husband I want.

I feel helpless as I believe that the issues that we have all go back to the time-issue. My husband is tired all the time (which I understand), and this adds to the fighting. He is short-tempered, depressed and says he is at a life time low. I see all of this and really try not to ask for anything, but then today I just snapped. I feel 1/2 day in 4weeks is not unreasonable to expect when he is making time for friends and committe meetings that don't generate income.

He says that he spends every night with me. I just don't see it that way. Lying watching Discovery and History channel EVERY night is not spending time with me.

I desperately want to find a marriage councellor in the JHB area that will walk the road with us. I don't believe in divorce and also think that we can find a way. My husband is very stubborn and says that he will not change, but that I must change.

Anyone have suggestions?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I wonder whether much of what is now troubling you wouldn't have been clear before marriage, such as his working hours ? has the situation actually greatly changed ? Or have your expectations or tolerance of it, changed ?
Why is your husband working such long and unsocial hours ? For the extra money ? Why ? If you two are unable to have any time together to enjoy having any money at all, what's the value of any extra cash ?
have you tried contacting FAMSA, for advice on perhaps choosing one of their trained marriage counsellors ?
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